sobs...

yes...if any of u out there are wondering...yes, dats me crying..."why??" u ask...

ok...firstly, u may find my reply childeish o mayb even stupis n ridiculous...but its coz i  reli reli RELI mis my skul, my frnds, da teachers, environment...da shouting, da punishments, da blabbering...hw i hated it whn i was at skul, but nw, having a first hand chance of actually working, i find dat its nthg. at least v hv al our frnds nearby to support us n stuff...

okay, yes, i did hv a little argument with my vry vry gud frnds(ok fine...its not small..its BIG!!) aina, kel, bert, jace...n den adrian pulak went wit dem, dint bother bout me...still, aftr da argument(it lasted 6 MONTHS!!) v gt bck okay...me n bert, aina n jace were back to normal...howevr me n kel on da othr hand...well, our frndship bcame sort of formal, no longer close(considering v r frnds aftr 2 BIG arguments, one in 2008, one last yr, im fortunate to still hv him as a frnd).

well, aftr all dat yrs of bonding, comes 2010 n thus, starts a new lyf for me...it reli hurts me deeply to admit it, but im starting to drift away frm my frmds(even my closest best frnd, adrian!) often i ask myslf whether i will bcome lyk my prnts, only meeting their close frnds for once a yr n feeling vry awkward during dat meeting, ot perhaps having a lyf WITH my frnds, being with them. perhaps even staying close to each othr!! hell, dat would be soooooooooo nice, dun u tink??but i hv to cme bck to reality at dis point, will my frnds want dat lyf?? or mayb dey dun reli lyk me n jz want to get away n 4gt dat da name malvin lee yee hen ever existed in their lyf?? hell, i dunno....on one hand, i feel happy for dem(studying, getting a scholarship n stuff) but on da othr, sadness creeps into my heart whn i realise dat dey will probably b forevr lost frm my lyf...sometimes i do wonder whethr da old chinese saying is truen which goes" if the old ones doesn't go, hw cn new ones cme?"

anyways, to those hu r studying or getting a scholarship, gud luck n congrats. to those hu r working alone without frnds, i tink u would undrstand hw i feel...da pain n stuff...for nw, i shall hold on...making sure my empty heart holds intact, but i dunno hw much longer i cn hold da pieces of my heart together...for da glue holding dem intact is da glue beetween me n my frnds, which i believe n i knw, is getting weaker by da second...